Episode 8: Self Esteem

It wasn’t until Bisola accepted my romantic request that I knew I had made a mistake. She just wasn’t my class. That her deep Yoruba accent was a put off and she was quick to show me off to all her family and friends, I know they would be wondering what is wrong with me in their minds. Today we are seeing Asake, tomorrow Moradeke. She was proud of me and really loved what she had.

On top my matter, Bisola will die there. She was giving 300% to ensure the relationship worked and would apologize for everything. She would still apologize if she caught me cheating, which was the depth at which she cherished me. I tried to frustrate her a bit out of the relationship and never called her but she was really tender and once sent airtime with the message ‘please call me’. I made a scene out of it but she cried and apologized. I saw her efforts and acknowledged the fact that I was demeaning a human. After all, I was the one that went to meet her where she was peacefully having fun. Such thoughts really hurt me so I tried assuring myself that the inner beauty was what was important but whenever she appeared with that her big teeth and ugly face, I’d get nauseous. That’s what low self-esteem cost me.

Another day I went through our chats on whatsApp and I saw she was always asking questions because I wasn’t initiating a conversation and all my responses were one word reply. I knew deep down she was hurt and I decided to make her feel better- feel loved and important like the lady she was so I asked her out to a movie.

One thing I like about her is been true to her personality, she doesn’t go about with the fake life or accent which I discovered through her isn’t bad because at this particular outing, I sincerely felt she should at least pick up some kind of accent like Gifty not talk like Falz. She later asked for pictures with me, I knew it wasn’t polite to turn down an excited lady so I accepted. She was elated and I was happy I made her that happy but the next day, she yaff tagged me on Facebook with pics of both of us titled ‘out with bae’. All her illiterate friends began to comment with their terrible English. I irritably checked the pictures of a few of them, friends that the camera quality in taking their pictures was 2mp camera or less, inside market with elubor or tomatoes in the background.

I almost had hypertension but couldn’t delete it. It was her masterpiece, she finally had 113 likes and 78 comments from that post I was tagged in which was her most popular  post with her next coming at 11 likes after 50 people were tagged. It was that bad, I was really ashamed. I wondered what my friends at my end will be thinking seeing comments like ‘nice coupon’, ‘the guy is fines’, ‘Bisola God bless your reunion’. This was a real embarrassment. Hotboy don suffer.

News spread like wild fire and Mo had heard of me and Bisola, not that she cared though. I attended a traditional marriage ceremony of one of our neighbour’s daughter, I was with BJ when I saw Mo sitting at a corner with her friends. My God, she was stunning and my heart began to race 100metres. This was punishment, why couldn’t she just gree. The inferiority complex came back and I tried to look away but it was difficult. We kept having eye contacts and it was either she felt the same way or I was unsettling her because she couldn’t take her eyes off me. BJ noticed it and said I should go meet her but I was really scared so he volunteered to help me take her friend away, something he managed to do. I walked up to Mo before anyone else did and started a conversation. I was surprised you knew a few things about me which was encouraging, the she asked me about my girlfriend, Bisola. I was ashamed and I told her me and Bisola weren’t together anymore.

‘Hmmmm, Hotboy! You have finally gotten what you wanted from the poor girl, right?’

‘Stop Mo, I was drunk when I asked her out and didn’t know what I was doing but Bisola is a terrific girl, an angel. It’s just that we aren’t really compatible’ I explained.

We spoke at length and I began to fear when I didn’t see BJ and Mo’s friend, believe me, BJ could have sex with her, he was that good with the ladies. After a while, Mo’s hostility became more receptive and we even had a joke or two about when she liked me back then, she laughed it away as she being childish. Amazingly, she gave me her contact. That was the best day of my life since I gave up been a player and began the search for bae.

I knew I was suffering been in a relationship with Bisola, it just wasn’t something for me. She was a good girl no doubt but she was not someone I could show off. Infact, I was ashamed of Bisola so I sort advice from my friends. For this situation, I needed to talk to Shally, she was reasonable and a lady.

I explained to Shally how nice Bisola was and how I didn’t want to hurt her but couldn’t continue anymore. She asked if I want to break up because of Mo and I told her Mo is beginning to get receptive to me but it was basically because I wasn’t happy with Bisola. Shally told me there was no nice way of a break up. Someone must get hurt. I felt for her but it was something that had to be done. I read about the best ways to breakup and knew breaking up via text message wasn’t a good idea because you aren’t sure what the victim will do to herself, so I invited her over to my place. She took it easy as it wasn’t the first time she had suffered that. She understood and I really wished she was just a little bit more beautiful, if only she didn’t have those tribal marks; I could send her to adult education classes to polish her. She was a wife material, but guy what about her friends joor.

As she left, she told me I should be careful about breaking hearts, I should never toy with people’s emotion and even though she loved me, she cursed that I would never find true love.

It’s normal in life. To break hearts and have heartbreaks. All her experiences of life. If you don’t experience any in your lifetime; then you never lived.